Putting the end into perspective

The other day I was walking from class to class behind the library where all the construction (used to) take place when I saw a family, a B-school student I'm assuming with his wife, son and two elderlies. They all appeared pretty happy to be together and it casted a pall on me to say the least, since it reminded me of finding out recently that maternal grandmother was not doing so well and that her time was nearing a certain end. It was not that I hadn't experienced the thought of loved ones or friends dying before, but it was the fact that my grandmother had deteriorated so quickly.

Just years ago, she was in Canada gardening everyday, doing her chants (she was a devout Buddhist), cooking for herself - she was agile and even had a quickness in her step. What 70+ year old woman would bend her back every bright and early morning to tender after the plants and flowers, doing difficult yardwork that most people half her age were unwilling to do? Her lifestyle and attitude to life was most impressive to say the least. Not only that, she served as the emotional rock to the family she lived in. My mother is one of seven children in that family and needless to say, our family was very Joy Luck - playing Mahjong and having dinners withe each other consistently throughout the year. Regardless of the family squabbles, everyone took care of her one way or another, was mindful of what she ate when we went out (she was vegetarian) and made sure she lived comfortably.

Just recently, we had a "meeting of the families" (I know, very Godfather-esque) where all my aunts and uncles were deciding what to do with the rest of her time. The shocking thing to me was that the people who were so quick to take care of her suddenly were shying away. One wanted to keep her in a old-age home, one wanted her to live with another aunt claiming that it was her turn and that she had better things to do - and then the finger pointing continued. Caught in the middle of all this was my grandmother, like she was a hot potato. She had absolutely no say in the matter, nor could I picture her wanting to have to choose between any of them. My mother wanted to take her in, but that would mean flying her over back to China which we feared she could not handle. I feel it's partly my responsibility to tend for her as one of the grandsons, but I am starting my career very soon and we would be an ocean apart (since she still would be in Canada, myself in Hong Kong). Helplessness really hurts sometimes.

I'm going to see her for the very last time (probably) in three weeks. What do I say? What can I say or do to help her out? I've been dwelling on this for weeks now and it's just so hard. Sorry it had to be such a grim first post, but it's the one thing that's bothering me the most right now. Thanks for reading and feel free to post comments.